FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS SEMESTER HAS BEEN GOING REALLY GOOD FOR ME....


EXCEPT FOR MY FRUSTATION IN ENGLISH CLASS. IM TAKING THE SAME PROF. I TOOK LAST SEMESTER, BUT ITS NOT JUST THE SAME TEACHER; ITS THE SAME CLASS. EVERY SINGLE THING WE ARE DOING IS THE EXACT SAME LESSON PLAN AS LAST SEMESETER. I ENJOY THE CLASS, BUT I CANNOT FIND THE PROPER MOTIVATION TO DO MY BEST. I BUST MY ASS, BUT ONLY FOR A CHALLENGE. MY PROF. SAYS THAT ALL HIS FORMER STUDENTS ARE UP TO TASK, BUT ITS HE WHO IS NOT UP TO TASK. LAST SEMESTER I WAS MOTIVATED BY THE LESSONS, FOR THEY WERE NEW. THIS IS A HIGHER LEVEL OF ENGLISH, SO THE LESSON PLAN SHOULD ALSO BE HIGHER. I DONT MEAN TO SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE, BUT I NEEDED A CHALLENGE THIS SEMSETER. UNFORTUNATLLY I DIDNT GET WHAT I WISHED FOR. I HONESTLY WANTED A RUSH OF NEW KNOWLEDGE, AND I DIDNT RECIVE THIS. HE HAS ALL THESE EXPECTATIONS FOR HIS FORMER STUDENTS, BUT NOTHING NEW IS BROUGHT TO THE TABLE. THIS CLASS IS LACKING IN SUBSTANCE THIS SEMESTER. I REGRETFULLY TYPE THESE WORDS BUT ITS WHAT I HONESTLY FEEL. I WANTED A CHANLLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK FOR? IF I WANTED TO REPEAT ENGL. 52 I WOULD HAVE FAILED AND TOOK THAT CLASS AGAIN! I PASSED AND WANTED A NEW INFLUX OF LEARNING! DAMN I JUST BEEN FRUSTRATED, AND THATS WHY MANY FORMER STUDENTS DROPPED; THE REPITION OF THIS CLASS...



I JUST HAD TO VENT.....

MY MEANING

What is my meaning in life? My meaning in life is to change the world one person at a time. Why is my meaning in life to affect change in those around me? The reason I live and breathe is so I can try and make the world a better place. Although I do not know everyone in the world I do believe in the concept of six degrees of separation, so if change six people it will eventually affect the world. I live to make those around me smile. If at the end of the day I can make those around me breathe a little lighter than I have justification for my existence. I have persevered through trial and tribulations and I feel I am supposed to use my life as an example. It is like Viktor E. Frankl said in “Man’s Search for Meaning(2)” about how “‘optimism’ for our future may flow from the lessons learned from our ‘tragic’ past”. It is saying that use the tragedies of your life to show the next generation what not to do. It is also about coming to terms with the horrors in your life and seeking redemption from them. I use the mistakes I have had in my youth to show my nieces and nephews what they should never take part in. I show those of the next generation that the most important thing you can be is yourselves, not what someone else wants you to be. I have become more about what is going on around me than inside of me. I am this way because I am content with myself as a person. I am the way I am because this is how I would want the entire world to be, it is like Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I find many reasons for my life to continue, such as: raising my brother children, taking care of my mother, and being the rock for all of my loved ones. I find that my main reason for living is so that I can make the world just a little better than it was when I entered it. I hope to affect people deep enough to make them want to go out the make the world a better place. I aspire to give positivity to children that I never had. In the end the only reason for my existence is to change the world enough to where I will not be forgotten.

MARRIAGE

I DONT BELIVE ANYONE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET MARRIED ANYMORE!!!!! EVERYONE IS SO FULL OF SHIT THAT HALF OF THE MARRIAGES IN DIVORCE. I BELIVE THAT IF PEOPLE WHERE TO ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER BEFORE THEY RUSH INTO A MARRIAGE THEN MAYBE IT WOULD LAST A LIL LONGER THAN 6 MONTHS... I'M JUS SAYING THAT MARRIAGE USED TO MEAN SUMTHING. THE WORDS "TILL DEATH DO US PART" WERE LITERAL. NOW IT MEANS UNTIL I DNT LIKE YOU ANYMORE. Y SHOULD WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED ANYWAYS IF U LOVE SUMONE AND THEY KNO THAN Y DO U NEED A PIECE OF PAPER TO ACKNOWLEGDE THE LOVE THAT IS SHARED. LOOK MAN WE ARE F***ING UP THE HOLLINESS OF MARRIAGE JUS BY INVENTING THE CONCEPT OF DIVORCE! THERE IS NO REASON FOR DIVORCE! IF UR MAN IS AN ASSHOLE AND SPENDS ALL UR MONEY, SHOULD HAVE GOT TO KNO HIM BETTER! IF UR GIRL IS SCREWING EACH OF UR HOMEBOYS WHEN UR BACK IS TURNED, THAT UR FUALT FOR NOT NOWING HER BETTER!!! JUS WANTED TO SAY THAT MARRAIGE IS AN IDEA THAT IS OUT OF DATE BECAUSE MARRAIGE IS A THING OF FAITH AND PEOPLE JUS DONT HAVE FAITH ANYMORE....

THE GREATEST STORY NEVER TOLD

Who is my hero? My hero is my brother, Jesus M. Montano. Why is my brother the greatest man I have every known? My brother is the greatest man I have ever known because he gave all he had to his family. My brother was only sixteen when he had to take a job to help my mother take care of all her kids; there were six of us, including him. My brother had to drop out of school and take up work so we could have a better life. He was a selfless man that was willing to help anyone, even people he did not know. I remember once my brother and I were driving and seen a man on the side of the road with his hood open. My brother being the man that he was stopped our car and went to assist the man, by the time my brother had finished he was covered with oil and grease. The man offered my brother about two hundred dollars in cash and my brother turned down that money. He treated people the way we should treat each other and he showed me how to act towards others. Also, he had the “ability to pull the max out of someone else, to inspire them to be all they can be” simply because they did not want to let him down. My brother was the best he could possibly be so those around him also wanted to become the best people possible. Jesus had a natural charisma which had people follow his lead (just like I have). I was taught everything I know by my brother and just because of who I am that statement should speak volumes as to the type of man my brother was. Jesus M. Montano is survived by five children and four siblings. This is the greatest story never told about the greatest man you will never know.

2PAC POEMS

'IN THE EVENT OF MY DEMISE

In the event of my demise
when my heart can beat no more
I hope I die for a princeple
Or a belief that I had lived for
I will die before my time
Beacause I feel the shadow's depth
So much I wanted to acomplish
Before I reached my death
I have come to grips with the possibility
And wiped the last tear from my eyes
I loved all who were positive
In the event of my demise




Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes when I'm alone
I cry because I'm on my own
The tears I cry R bitter and warm
They flow with life but take no form
I cry because my heart is torn
and I find it difficult to carry on
if I had an ear 2 confide in
I would cry among my treasured friends
But who do u know that stops that long
To help another carry on
The world moves fast and it would rather pass u by
Than 2 stop and c what makes u cry
It's painful and sad and sometimes I cry
and no one cares about why.




Untitled

Please wake me when I'm free
I cannot bear captivity
where my culture I'm told holds no significance
I'll wither and die in ignorance
But my inner eye can c a race
who reigned as kings in another place
the green of trees were rich and full
and every man spoke of beautiful
men and women together as equals
War was gone because all was peaceful
But now like a nightmare I wake 2 c
That I live like a prisoner of poverty
Please wake me when I'm free
I cannot bear captivity
4 I would rather be stricken blind
than 2 live without expression of mind




The Eternal Lament

From my mind 2 the depths of my soul
I yearn 2 achieve all of my goals
And all of my free time will be spent
On the 1's I miss I will lament

I am not a perfectionist
but still I seek perfection
I am not a great romantic
But yet I yearn 4 affection

Eternally my mind will produce
ways 2 put my talents 2 use
and when I'm done no matter where I've been
I'll yearn 2 do it all again.




When ure Heart Turns Cold

When your heart turns cold
it causes your soul 2 freeze
It spreads throughout your spirit
like a ruthless feeling disease
The walls that once were down
now stand firm and tall
Safe from hate/love, pain/joy
until u feel nothing at all
When ure heart turns cold
a baby's cry means nothing
A dead corpse is trivial
Mothers neglecting children is daily
Loneliness becomes your routine friend
Death seems like tranquility
Sleeping is never pleasant
if u even sleep at all
u forget ideals and turn off the reason
2 make sure the product gets sold
You don't understand how I behave
Just wait till your heart turns Cold!




Wife 4 Life

I hope u heard me when I asked
u that night 2 be my wife
Not for this year or next
But mine for all your life
2 accept me when I sin
and understand me when I fail
Not 2 mention standing the rain
which comes down as hard as hail
I am not the best men
My faults could scare the night
But my heart is always pure 2 my wife 4 life



The Rose That Grew From Concrete Autobiographical

Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack
in the concrete
Proving nature's law wrong it learned 2 walk
without having feet
Funny it seems but by keeping its dreams
it learned 2 breathe fresh air
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared!




Life Through My Eyes

Life through my bloodshot eyes
would scare a square 2 death
poverty, murder, violence
and never a moment 2 rest
Fun and games R few
but treasured like gold 2 me
cuz I realize that I must return
2 my spot in poverty
But mark my words when I say
my heart will not exist
unless my destiny comes through
and puts an end 2 all of this




In the Depths of Solitude Dedicated 2 Me

I exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
Trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
CONSTANTLY yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect
Never compromising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret
A young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
How can I be in the depths of solitude
when there R 2 inside of me
This Duo within me causes
the perfect opportunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity'

Walk Thru the flame & Rose Thru The Ashes

Last class meeting Mr. H asked me who it was that i admired and intimmidated me, n i told him that it was my brother, the closest thing i had to a father. As i spoke these words so true i almost started crying and i realized that my only insperation in life is tryin to make my brother proud now that he isnt here to tell me how proud he is. I kno that its a fucked up situation but i also kno that if my brother was still here i wouldnt be pushing on like i am. As i look back at everything i been thru i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for all of my obstacles. If i wasnt homeless for 3 years i wouldnt wanna provide for my people so much. If my grandma hadnt passed when i was young i wouldnt be trying to get as close to GOD as i am(i do this so i can see her again), if i hadnt lost 2 brothers b4 i was 18 i wouldnt have this sense of family that i have now. If i didnt lose one of my best homies(R.I.P. Raymond Lopez) i wouldnt value my friends as much as i do. i been thru hell and back and i felt the flame of HADES burn my nose hairs. I KNO THAT I BEEN THRU THE SHIT BUT IF I DIDNT GO THRU ALL I HAVE I WOULD BE JUS AVERAGE

Who Is Raising Your Kids?

PEOPLE BLAME THE MEDIA FOR ALL THE EVIL THAT IS GOING ON THE THE WORLD, BUT MAYBE IF PEOPLE LISTENED TO WHAT THEY KIDS LISTENED TO OR WATCHED WHAT THE KIDS IS WATCHING THEN MAYBE KIDS WOULDNT WANNA BE GANGBANGERS OR END UP PREGNANT AT 13. MAYBE IF THE BLAME WAS SHIFTED OFF OF THE RAPPERS N VIDEO "VIXENS" AND MOVED TO THE PARENTS THAN MAYBE THINGS WILL CHANGE. PEEP GAME, WHEN I WAS GROWING UP MY MOM KNEW EVERYTHING I WAS THINKING MAN! NOW UR LUCKY IF UR PARENTS KNO WUT STYLE OF CLOTHING UR INTO THIS WEEK. I'M JUS SAYING THAT IT CANT BE HOLLYWOOD RAISING YOU KIDS CUZ THAN UR KIDS WILL BE FUCKED UP! PARENTS NEED TO STOP MAKING FUCKING EXCUSES. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT HAS A KID, ITS HER AND HER HUSBAND AND THEY BOTH SAY THAT THEY'RE TOO BUSY WITH WORK TO KEEP TRACK OF THIER KID. I WAS RAISED BY A SINGLE WORKING MOTHER AND SHE STILL MANAGED TO STAY ON TOP OF WHAT IT WAS I WAS INTO. SO TO ALL PARENTS THAT CLAIM THEY TO BUSY TO WATCH THEY KIDS, TAKE BLAME WHEN UR CHILD ENDS UP DEAD, IN JAIL, OR PREGNANT!